What is a Sponsor?

One of the first suggestions offered in CMA is to get a sponsor. Just what is a sponsor? How do we get a sponsor, use a sponsor and be a sponsor?

A sponsor is another recovering addict who offers guidance and support in a one-on-one relationship. When we started coming to CMA, people at meetings were there to respond to our questions, but that wasn’t always enough, especially when we were new. Issues came up between meetings, and many of us found we needed close support as we began to live a life free of active addiction. Our sponsors gave us that support.

What Does a Sponsor Do?
• Listens
• Makes suggestions to help us stay sober
• Helps us work the 12 Steps of CMA
• Helps us build a foundation for recovery by sharing experience, strength and hope
• Introduces us to recovery literature
• Notes progress that we are not able to see for ourselves

How To Get a Sponsor
All we had to do was ask. Some of us asked CMA members whose recovery we admired. Some of us asked our friends in CMA to recommend someone. Others asked for help getting a sponsor when we shared at meetings. Some meetings have Sponsorship Chairs who keep lists of people available to be sponsors. Some of us talked to those people and got names and phone numbers.

When we got the courage to ask for help, we usually got a positive response. Some of us were told “yes, I’d be happy to” right away. Some of us were invited to meet and discuss it to see if it seemed like a good match. Sometimes someone agreed to be an “Interim Sponsor,” sponsoring us for the short-term or to try it out. Sometimes were told “no”—usually because our prospective sponsor had his or her plate already full with other sponsees. We tried not to take it personally even if we were disappointed.

How to Choose a Sponsor
When we were at meetings, we listened to what people said. We looked for people who had something we wanted. We looked for people whose recovery we respected. Many of us picked sponsors whose experience was similar to our own. It helped us relate to them. Some of us picked people with experiences that differed from our own. Both ways worked.

It was suggested to us that we not pick anyone to whom we had a strong sexual attraction. Such attractions can get in the way of recovery, complicating the honest sharing between sponsor and sponsee.

Who Can Be a Sponsor?
There are no rules, but most sponsors in CMA have:
• at least one year of continuous sobriety
• a working knowledge of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions
• personal experiences dealing with life in recovery

When To Get a Sponsor
It is never too soon or too late to get a sponsor. Many of us got sponsors right away. Some of us needed to take time to decide who we wanted to ask. Some of us resisted getting a sponsor. Looking back on it, that made our early recovery more difficult. It has been proven through our experience that working with a sponsor makes recovery easier.

While we looked for sponsors, we were sometimes approached by people offering to sponsor us. Sometimes we said yes, but didn’t have to accept an offer that didn’t feel right.

Sponsorship does not have to be a life-long relationship. Many of us began with an interim sponsor until we found someone available for a more permanent relationship. Some of us changed sponsors if it wasn’t working.

How Does Sponsorship Work?
CMA, like other 12 Step programs, is based on the value of people who share a common problem helping each other. Our sponsors helped us to trust and be trusted, perhaps for the first time. Many of us wrestled alone with our problems for so long that we had a tendency to isolate even after coming into recovery. With our sponsors, we started to see that we were not alone and never had to be alone again. We began to believe that we could do together what we could not do alone.

Our sponsors were our hotlines. We called them when something triggered us to think about using, or when unpleasant memories came up that used to sendus to dealers, bars, or the Internet. Our sponsors provided comfort, identified with our feelings and gave us hope that, in spite of how we felt, we did not have to use.

Our sponsors acted as sounding boards when we had to make decisions. We found it a good idea to discuss major decisions with our sponsors, not so they could make the decision for us, but so they could share their own similar experiences. Sponsors unfamiliar with a particular dilemma often directed us to someone else in the fellowship who has had related experiences.

Often, our sponsors made suggestions based on their own experience. Our sponsors sometimes gave us advice. It was our choice to decide what to do. There are no “musts” in CMA, but we tried to be willing to accept the help being offered.

Sponsors help not only when times are confusing or tough but also when things are going well. Success and hope are also shared with a sponsor. By simply sharing we find unconditional love, selfless giving, patience, tolerance, honesty and trust in this crucial relationship.

What a Sponsor Is Not
It is not a sponsor’s job to be a landlord, loan company, lawyer, doctor, accountant, psychiatrist, financial broker, marriage counselor or therapist. Sponsors who are in those professions leave that role at the door of CMA. Here they are like us: one addict trying to help another. If additional help was needed, sometimes our sponsors encouraged us to seek professional guidance.

What Does a Sponsee Do?
It is suggested that sponsees contact their sponsors regularly. Many of us called our sponsors every day, even if it was just to check in. We also met inperson with our sponsors. Some of us had sponsors who told us how often they expected us to call and meet with them. Some of us had sponsors who didn’t set specific requirements. Both ways worked.

However we communicated with our sponsor, we found it was important to be honest and keep an open mind. We were willing to try suggestions before we dismissed them. We did the work our sponsors suggested. Our sponsors guided us, but it was made clear that we were responsible for our own recovery. We could not expect our sponsors to work harder on our own recovery than we did ourselves.

Sometimes we worried about being a burden, and our sponsors always told us that we were helping them a lot more than they were helping us. We came to understand that by using our sponsors, we helped them recover. Our sponsors often told us that they could only keep what they had by giving it away.